I have a secret life. My life is generally filled with everything about my kids - raising kids, chasing kids, driving kids, changing kids clothing, washing kids and their clothing, and just lots of KIDS everything. They consume me and my time. So, when I got to attend a conference for all the music educators in the state for 2 days - suddenly I was a band director again. I was thinking about rehearsals, about music, about discipline - funny - it's still about kids, I know. BUT, there was also the catching up with colleagues I hadn't seen in a LOONG time and also just having adult conversations for 2 days straight was a strain on my brain, in a good way. I get excited about the prospect of working again - I really loved teaching and I intend to do it again. But, I also know it isn't that time/season just yet. I'm just preparing myself so I will have the endorsements when needed.
Then came another conference - this time all clarinet. 2 days being a clarinet geek was great fun. Talk clarinet, play clarinet, think clarinet - enough information to make my head spin. Sometimes I think I'm doing a good job with my part-time job teaching clarinet, then there are days when I just don't know enough. I wish I knew more and I wish I could sit and practice my instrument as I know I should. I feel like a slacker because I can't even come close to those amazing people who attended the conference and they live that clarinet world all day, everyday. I have amazing students - so many of them just blow me away (literally!) with their talents. They aren't just clarinetists, they are honor students, bikers, soccer players, and they are super busy doing all the amazing things they do. I'm grateful to be a part of this chapter in their lives. And I find myself wishing I knew more about this or that - simply because there is still so much for me to figure out for myself. Conferences are great - I learn a ton, and I also realize how much I don't know. I just can't let that get me down.
So, a secret identity. I guess it seems like a secret because my children and my husband aren't a part of it. All the colleagues, associates, and people I talked to during those conferences were great fun to visit with. I saw friends I went to college with, had discussions with amazing professors and professionals, and I felt like I was pretending to be a colleague. For now, I'm a mom pretending to have a secret identity or a place in the world of music. Perhaps those worlds will collide someday... I'll keep wishing.